“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” - Jimmy Dean

Have you ever been doing great with a goal or habit change — exercise, waking early, becoming organized, eating healthy , anything — and your progress was completely disrupted because of some major event in your life(death, marriage, illness, work, etc.)?

Of course you have. It’s happened to all of us.

Life gets in the way.

Fortunately, although we often give up our goals when something like this happens, a life event that disrupts your progress doesn’t have to sidetrack your goal completely. You can overcome this obstacle — and it is an obstacle, just like any other.

Reader quench recently wrote in with a great question:

“Oftentimes, I have just one goal, as you suggest, and I am focused fully on that one goal, the baby steps, etc. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, there’s some crisis in another part of my life - my boyfriend will become enormously demanding, my brother will get hospitalized with a life-threatening illness, my boss will decide there is an emergency that I have to handle overtime, etc.! This happens will such frequency, that it’s almost predictable, every time I start really buckling down on what I need to do to accomplish my goal. Then when I thoroughly demoralized, and lying around unmotivated, everything else in my life seems to calm down, and I’m just left wondering how to pick myself up again.”

This is an awesome question, because it’s so true to life . Things happen to all of us … but the real determination is how do we deal with them. Do we get discouraged and give up, or do we figure out a way around and keep going?

Here’s the thing: the path to every goal is littered with obstacles. You must, must, must, absolutely must anticipate that you will run into obstacles … figure out ways around them … and keep going.

Here’s how to do that:

1. Anticipate, anticipate. Think ahead. What obstacles do you see on the horizon? What obstacles have you run into in the past? What will change your routine? Weekends are a mini-obstacle that often seem to derail people trying to create a habit. But there are other changes in routines …holidays , summer, big events, changes at work, birthdays … these are often things you can anticipate and plan for. When you see something coming up on the horizon that might derail you, plan for it. Make it a part of your plan.

An example: I’ve been trying to learn to eat under my new meal plan … and I knew that a birthday party was coming up. Well, I anticipated it, learned the restaurant, researched the menu, and incorporated it into my plan. But on another occasion, I just anticipated the family event and allowed it to be one of my two cheat meals for the week. You have to be able to let up a little if you want to stick to it for the long term.

2. Find the path. When you see an obstacle, are you just going to give up? I hope not. An obstacle is just something we have to get around, or over … it’s not a reason to quit. So instead of quitting, ask yourself: how do I get around this obstacle? There’s always a solution, if you’re creative enough.

Sometimes there isn’t just one path. And it can be hard to decide which solution to choose. But don’t fret: choose one path, and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another.life is an experiment.

3. Two steps forward, one step back. You will face some setbacks every now and then. That’s a part of achieving any goal worth achieving — if it were too easy, it’s not a worthy goal.

But instead of seeing the setback as something discouraging, just accept it as a part of the journey. “Two steps forward, one step back,” is what I always tell myself … and it’s a realization that even with setbacks, I’m still making forward progress over the long run.

For example, I’ve had some setbacks when it comes to my exercise habit. I often seem to get sick after a few weeks of continuous exercise. But though illness has set me back a few times, I’ve now learned to see it as a welcome break, allowing my body to recover. Think of it as a time out … you’re allowed to rest when you’re sick, and when you get better, you’ll be recharged and ready to start again.

4. If you fall, get up, and learn from it. All of us fail, from time to time. No one is successful all the time. But instead of letting failure stop us completely, you just need to get up and dust yourself off … and this part is important: learn from your experience. When you fail, ask yourself: why did I fail? What stopped me? What obstacles got in my way? And how can I get around them next time it happens (and yes, it will happen again). And plan for next time.

An example: When I was quitting smoking, I had several failures. But each time, I asked myself what I did wrong. What derailed me? And I incorporated those obstacles into my plan. The common obstacles that led to a relapse in my smoking included stressful events, going out and drinking (and smoking) with friends, and stressful family events. Eventually, I succeeded … but I wouldn’t have done so if I just kept letting the same obstacles derail me.

5. Find new motivation. Sometimes a setback will leave us not only derailed, but demotivated. So the real problem is finding the motivation to start again. So, it helps to get back to the basics: what made you want to start in the first place? What was your reason for change? What motivated you? Thinking about that, and the benefits it will have in your life, and the way things will be once you’ve accomplished the goal, can help motivate you.

But I also recommend adding additional motivators, to help jump start you. Read this article about motivation , and these articles for more.

6. Go with the flow. Change is good. Change is a part of life. We might like our routines, but there will always be something that comes along to disrupt them. Accept that, embrace it, and learn to flow with it. If we become too rigid, we will break in the face of the pressures of life. But if we learn to accommodate those changes that life, we’ll be happier and we’ll get to where we want to be.
throws at us, and still head towards our goal

Be willing to be flexible. Change comes at you … don’t despair, or get frustrated … take that change and make it a part of your plan.

life will throw us curveballs. With practice, we can learn to hit them out of the park.

“我無法改變風(fēng)的方向，而我卻能調(diào)整我的風(fēng)帆，從而永遠(yuǎn)能到達(dá)我的目的地。”——吉米。鄧恩

你是否曾經(jīng)為自己設(shè)定過不錯(cuò)的目標(biāo)或是改變自己的習(xí)慣——開始鍛煉、起早散步、變得有規(guī)律、健康飲食等等——然而你的計(jì)劃卻被其他的一些重要的事件所攪亂，比如死亡、結(jié)婚、疾病、工作等等。

當(dāng)然你曾經(jīng)會(huì)經(jīng)歷過。這樣的事情發(fā)生在我們每一個(gè)人的身上。

生活步入軌道

幸運(yùn)的是，當(dāng)像這樣的事情發(fā)生的時(shí)候，雖然我們常常會(huì)放棄我們的目標(biāo)，生活中的一件事情雖然會(huì)中斷你的計(jì)劃，但卻不會(huì)完全阻礙你向目標(biāo)進(jìn)發(fā),你能夠克服這些困難——就像其他的阻礙一樣，他們僅僅是一個(gè)阻礙。

抑郁的讀者最近給我寫了封信問了這樣一個(gè)重要的問題：

“我有時(shí)僅僅有一個(gè)目標(biāo)，就像你建議的一樣，并且當(dāng)我全身心地投入到那個(gè)目標(biāo)里面時(shí)，小孩爬了過來……然后突然，讓人沮喪，我的生活卻出現(xiàn)了一些危機(jī)——我的男友變得無理取鬧，我的兄弟得了頑疾，我的老板要我去及時(shí)處理一個(gè)緊急的事情，等等！這些東西發(fā)生得是如此的平凡，以至于他們都可以預(yù)料到，當(dāng)我要埋頭開始做一些和我的目標(biāo)有關(guān)的東西的時(shí)候。然而一遇到這些事情就變得很沮喪，然后就沒有了動(dòng)力。當(dāng)周圍的事情平靜下來時(shí)，我就開始想如何才能又激發(fā)自己去朝目標(biāo)奮斗。”

這的確是一個(gè)惱人的問題，因?yàn)樗�在我們的生活中是如此的觸手可及。事情都會(huì)發(fā)生在我們每個(gè)人的身上……但真正的問題是我們?nèi)绾翁幚斫鉀Q他們，我們是放棄還是想出辦法繼續(xù)前進(jìn)。

應(yīng)該這樣去處理這些問題：通向成功之路充滿荊棘。你千萬，千萬，千萬要明白你會(huì)遇上阻礙。竭盡全力跨越他們，然后繼續(xù)前進(jìn)。

1.預(yù)期再預(yù)期

提前思考一下。在你目所能及的范圍內(nèi)你將會(huì)遇到什么樣的困難？你已經(jīng)經(jīng)歷過什么樣的困難？什么會(huì)使得你改變?cè)瓉淼穆肪�？周末十一個(gè)小小的阻礙，因?yàn)樗�使人們養(yǎng)成一些不好的習(xí)慣。這里還有一些其他日常的變化像假期、暑假、重要的事情、工作變動(dòng)、生日……這些事你都可以預(yù)期并且使你墮落，所以你應(yīng)好好為之計(jì)劃，把他們列入你計(jì)劃的一部分。

一個(gè)例子：我曾經(jīng)試圖養(yǎng)成照我的新飲食計(jì)劃的習(xí)慣，而我知道一個(gè)生日聚會(huì)將要來到。所以，我計(jì)劃了一下，了解了下餐廳，看了看菜單，并且安排進(jìn)了我的計(jì)劃里面。但是另外一個(gè)是我所預(yù)料家庭聚會(huì)，我把它作為我一周兩次破例飲食的其中之一。如果你想堅(jiān)持到底的話你就需要能抵御意外。

2找到辦法

當(dāng)你遇到困難，你是會(huì)放棄嗎？我希望不要。我們要避開一個(gè)阻礙或是跨越它……而不是一個(gè)理由去放棄他。所以拋開放棄，問自己：“我如何越過這個(gè)難題？”肯定有解決的辦法，只要你有足夠的想象力。

有時(shí)候條條大路通羅馬。而這就使得選哪個(gè)方法變得很難。但不要苦惱：選一條路，看他是否奏效。如果不奏效，選另一個(gè)試試。生活有時(shí)是個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)。

3.三思而后行

你無論何時(shí)都會(huì)遇到一些挫折。那只是達(dá)到目標(biāo)的一部分——如果路途太平坦，那么只能說明那是一個(gè)不值得的目標(biāo)。

視挫折為道路上的一部分而不要為此泄氣。“三思而后行”，我總是這樣告誡自己……這是曾經(jīng)與挫折打交道的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，所以我現(xiàn)在任然在漫漫長(zhǎng)路上取得進(jìn)步。

提一個(gè)例子，我在鍛煉時(shí)常常遇到挫折。我在幾周持續(xù)的鍛煉之后看起來像得病一樣。但是疾病只讓我停滯了幾次，我已經(jīng)把他們看作是愉快的中途休息，從而使得我的身軀可以回復(fù)。所以當(dāng)你病時(shí)應(yīng)該休息，并且等你好時(shí)，就會(huì)煥然一新準(zhǔn)備再次開始。

4.學(xué)會(huì)在哪摔倒在哪爬起。

我們?nèi)巳藭r(shí)常會(huì)失敗。沒有常勝將軍，在失敗后應(yīng)重新振作而不是被完全打到。從經(jīng)驗(yàn)中學(xué)東西這很重要。當(dāng)你失敗時(shí)，問自己：為什么我會(huì)失��？什么阻礙了我？什么阻礙了我的路？當(dāng)他們?cè)俅伟l(fā)生時(shí)我要如何面對(duì)？并且為下次做好準(zhǔn)備。

一個(gè)例子：當(dāng)我放棄吸煙，我有幾次失敗。但每次，我都問自己哪錯(cuò)了。什么使得我有所怠慢？然后我吧這些阻礙列入計(jì)劃。

5:重獲動(dòng)力

一個(gè)阻礙時(shí)常不僅會(huì)使得我們墮落，還使得我們沒了斗志。所以這個(gè)真正的問題是找到動(dòng)力重新開始。所以，動(dòng)力幫我們重新開始。什么使你最初的動(dòng)力？什么使你改變？什么驅(qū)動(dòng)了你？好好想想他們，你將從他們那獲益，并且你要從你曾經(jīng)完成的事情那獲得斗志。

6.跟隨潮流。

改變是一個(gè)好東西。改變是生活的一部分。我們喜歡依循路線，但這總會(huì)有東西來阻礙。接受他們吧，并且擁抱他們，學(xué)會(huì)接受潮流。如果我們太過執(zhí)著，我們將會(huì)陷入生活的壓力之中。但如果我們學(xué)會(huì)包容那些變化，我們將變得快樂并到達(dá)我們想去之地。

讓我們似離弦之箭，并朝向我們的目標(biāo)。

變得靈活。變化來自你……別絕望，或是沮喪。接受那些改變并成為你計(jì)劃一部分。

歲月常捉弄人，通過努力，我們能夠把握自己的生活。