手機(jī)版
Where I see people waste the most amount of time, where they reduce their productivity and efficiency and ultimately their happiness is from vacillating between just two words: “Yes” or “No.”
Often people say “Yes” when they mean “No” or “No” when they should say “Yes.”
“Yes” and “No” are a negotiation of another person’s request.
Both words a very powerful and have direct impact on your well-being. Each word has to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with your inner-harmony in mind.
When people get stuck in waging the battle between the two heads of “Yes” and “No” I am reminded of the “Pushme-Pullyu” the two-headed animal from the classic children’s book “The Story of Dr. Dolittle” by Hugh Lofting.
The Pushme-Pullyu animal was always heading in the opposite direction at the same time, because he had one head on one end of his body and another head on the opposite end of his body.
Are you a Pushme-Pullyu?
When you say “Yes” or you say “No” do you really mean it?
It is crucial to avoid being a Pushme-Pullyu, because a state of unnecessary indecision lowers your vibration-rate, and it drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it.
There is a tendency in Pushme-Pullyu people that when they do make a decision they are then riddled with self-doubt afterwards.
To make a decision quickly and not vacillate or second guess oneself is a critical life-skill.
It is especially important with the acceleration of the world around us today, fast decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute.
A person who is not a Pushme-Pullyu, can take full advantage when “opportunity knocks” because they make a self-assured decision quickly without vacillating. Therefore they do not waste their precious energy with worry and they also do not avoid making a decision by not saying either a “Yes” or “No.”
They do not hide from life, they live life.
It is also important to foster this enlightened habit because when you say “Yes” or “No” and come from clarity and discernment this enables you to rid yourself of needless guilt and feelings of conflict, so you can live a richer, more fulfilling life, it sets you free.
The Secret to “Yes” and “No”:
The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when you state them truthfully. As a result, not only is your relationship to yourself better, so is your relationship to others.
This is applying the art of simplification—making your relationship to yourself and others more pure, more real, and always from a place of love.
After all, “Truth” is simplification at its core.
We say “Yes” or “No” almost every minute of our life, what kind of person is the lack of doing this truthfully making you?
This is the exact moment when you are probably saying out loud “No Mara, that can’t be! People don’t like it when I say “No.” If I say “No” people are mad at me. How could what you are saying make my relationships better, it would make them worse.”
So here is my reply, here is the secret: When you take care of yourself, your relationships work.
What I mean by this, is that if you don’t honor what is in your well-being, and come from a place of trying to people-please in order to gain approval from someone else, or to try to make them like or love you more, by giving them the “Yes” they want by saying yes when you need to say no, it always backfires.
Think back on a time when you did this, you know now that it backfired. Not only did your relationship to yourself suffer, ultimately your relationship to the other person did too, because in some way you probably withheld a “Yes” to them afterwards. And I don’t mean a verbal “Yes” this time, I mean the “Yes” of opening your heart to them.
When we say “No” in our hearts it closes our energetic reach toward another person, typically this is fostered by resentment. Often we think of saying “No” to another person as taking away from them, but in actuality when you take care of yourself your relationships work, and your “No” becomes a “Yes”—a “Yes” to you. And this action ultimately gives back to the other person also.
And know that “No” can be said with grace. Because when you do, you gain respect from another person and you are still viewed as generous and kind. They understand you are exhibiting self-care.
When you don’t take care of yourself and honor your own needs and boundaries your relationships with yourself and others suffer. It just doesn’t work in life to come from a place of people-pleasing. And that is typically the prime motivation for a Pushme-Pullyu person to say “Yes” when they need to say “No”.
Choosing Between the Two Heads of “Yes” and “No”:
You have choice. “Choice” is a privilege and to harness choice empowers us. You have the freedom to choose and the freedom to change your mind.
In terms of productivity, how you deal with this choice dictates whether or not you waste your time and the time of another person or people.
Once you “spend” your time or other people’s time, that time is gone, that time cannot be replaced.
So use your power of choice to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.
About The Author: Mara Rogers’ Secrets for Money blog brings you tips to make more money, save more money, and manage your money.
我看到人們浪費(fèi)時(shí)間最多的地方，也是他們降低生產(chǎn)率和效率的地方，而且最終他們的幸福也會(huì)在“是”與“不是”之間徘徊。
這些人常常在意圖說(shuō)“不是”的時(shí)候卻說(shuō)“是”，而意圖說(shuō)“是”的時(shí)候卻說(shuō)“不是”。
“是”與“不是”是另外一個(gè)請(qǐng)求之下的協(xié)商。
兩個(gè)詞都很力量而且對(duì)您的幸福有直接的影響。每個(gè)詞都需要聰明地、明智地使用，而且要優(yōu)雅地內(nèi)心充滿和諧地使用。
當(dāng)人們陷入“是”與“不是”兩難之爭(zhēng)且難分難解時(shí)，我會(huì)受到胡•洛夫汀的經(jīng)典兒童小說(shuō)《多林特醫(yī)生的故事》一書(shū)中那頭雙頭奇獸“推我－拉你”的提醒。
那頭雙頭奇獸“推我－拉你”總是在同一個(gè)時(shí)間往相反的方向前進(jìn)，因?yàn)樗眢w兩端都各自有一個(gè)腦袋。
您也是一個(gè)“推我－拉你”型的人嗎？
當(dāng)您說(shuō)“是”或是“不是”的時(shí)候，您真正要表達(dá)的意思是什么呢？
要避免自己成為 “推我－拉你”型的人，這一點(diǎn)是非常重要的，因?yàn)樘幱诓槐匾膬?yōu)柔寡斷的狀態(tài)中會(huì)降低您的工作效率，而且它會(huì)使您的個(gè)人力量得到削弱而不是加強(qiáng)。
對(duì)于那些“推我－拉你”型的人有一種傾向，就是當(dāng)他們?cè)谧瞿硞�(gè)決定的時(shí)候，他們往往缺少自信。
快速地做決定并對(duì)自己充滿信心是一項(xiàng)很重要的人生技巧。特別是在我們當(dāng)今所處的社會(huì)日新月異的時(shí)代，這種技能顯得尤其重要，我們會(huì)面臨分分秒秒地需要快速做決定的要求。
不是“推我－拉你”型的人能夠在“機(jī)會(huì)來(lái)敲門(mén)”的時(shí)候充分抓住這種機(jī)會(huì)，因?yàn)樗麄儠?huì)毫不猶豫地快速做出自信的決定。因此，他們不會(huì)浪費(fèi)寶貴的精力用來(lái)?yè)?dān)心這擔(dān)心那，而且他們?cè)谧鰶Q定的時(shí)候要么說(shuō)“是”要么說(shuō)“不是”。
他們不會(huì)逃避生活，他們熱愛(ài)生活。
養(yǎng)成這種好習(xí)慣也是非常重要的，因?yàn)楫?dāng)您說(shuō)“是”或者說(shuō)“不是”的時(shí)候，首先您的思路必須非常清晰而且反應(yīng)敏捷，這會(huì)使您遠(yuǎn)離無(wú)謂的內(nèi)疚和內(nèi)心的自我矛盾感，這樣您就可以生活得更加充實(shí)和自在。
“是”與“不是”的秘密：
“是”與“不是”背后的力量在于您真實(shí)地陳述它們的時(shí)候。它不僅僅能夠促進(jìn)您和內(nèi)心自我的關(guān)系，還能改善您和他人的關(guān)系。
這需要運(yùn)用單純化的藝術(shù)----讓您和內(nèi)在自我之間以及您和他人之間的關(guān)系更加純粹、更加真實(shí)，而且始終包含著愛(ài)。總之，“真實(shí)”的核心就在于單純化。
我們的生活中幾乎每一分鐘都會(huì)說(shuō)“是”或“不是”，哪些人無(wú)需這么做卻可以真實(shí)地展示自己？
此時(shí)，您或許會(huì)大聲說(shuō)，“不，馬拉，那是不可能的！人們不會(huì)喜歡聽(tīng)到我說(shuō)‘不是’的。如果我說(shuō)了‘不’的話，他們一定會(huì)對(duì)我生氣的。怎么可能如您所說(shuō)的這樣會(huì)改善我與他人的關(guān)系呢，反而會(huì)惡化我和他們之間的關(guān)系哦。”
那么，我的回答是，這樣做是有秘訣的：當(dāng)您照顧您自己的時(shí)候，您的關(guān)系就開(kāi)始起作用了。
我指的意思是，如果您對(duì)自己的幸福不在意的話，那您或許會(huì)為了獲得他人的認(rèn)同、或是試圖讓別人更加喜歡您，而在他人希望您說(shuō)“是”可您內(nèi)心卻需要說(shuō)“不是”的時(shí)候回答對(duì)方說(shuō)了“是”，您想要取悅對(duì)方，而這樣做往往會(huì)適得其反。
回想一下當(dāng)您這么做的時(shí)候，得到的結(jié)果是事與愿違的。不僅僅是您和內(nèi)在自我的關(guān)系受到傷害，最終連您和其他人的關(guān)系也受到了影響，因?yàn)槟苡锌赡芤阅撤N方式向他們隱瞞了“是”，在這里我并不是指動(dòng)詞的“是”，我所指的“是”，是您已經(jīng)向他們打開(kāi)了心門(mén)。
當(dāng)我們內(nèi)心說(shuō)“不是”的時(shí)候，它就會(huì)向?qū)Ψ疥P(guān)閉我們內(nèi)心的能量，非常典型的就是憤恨滋生出來(lái)的。通常當(dāng)我們對(duì)其他人考慮說(shuō)“不是”的時(shí)候意味著要遠(yuǎn)離那些人，而現(xiàn)實(shí)中當(dāng)您照顧到您自己的各種關(guān)系時(shí)，您的“不是”就變成了“是”----對(duì)于您自己“是”，而這樣的行為最終會(huì)回饋到您和其他人相處的關(guān)系中去。
了解“不是”也可以說(shuō)得讓人接受。因?yàn)楫?dāng)您這么做的時(shí)候，您可以贏得別人對(duì)您的尊重，您仍然會(huì)被認(rèn)為是寬宏大量的、善良的。他們理解您對(duì)自我的照顧。
當(dāng)您不會(huì)照顧自己、不在乎您自己的需求和界限時(shí)，您和自我的關(guān)系以及您和他人的關(guān)系就會(huì)受到影響。當(dāng)您刻意取悅他人時(shí)您的生活品質(zhì)會(huì)受到影響。而且這也是“推我－拉你”型的人明明需要說(shuō)“不是”的時(shí)候卻說(shuō)“是”的最主要的動(dòng)機(jī)。
“推我－拉你”型的人在兩個(gè)頭當(dāng)中進(jìn)行選擇：
您可以選擇。“選擇”是一種特權(quán)，我們可以充分地利用它。您擁有選擇的自由以及改變主意的自由。
就效率方面，您如何進(jìn)行選擇意味著您是否會(huì)浪費(fèi)自己的時(shí)間以及他人的時(shí)間I。
一旦您“花”了自己的時(shí)間或是別人的時(shí)間，這個(gè)時(shí)間就一去不復(fù)返了。
因此當(dāng)您意圖說(shuō)“是”或“不是”的時(shí)候，運(yùn)用您的選擇的力量。
有關(guān)作者：馬拉·羅杰斯的《錢(qián)的秘密》這一博客會(huì)給您提示讓您賺更多的錢(qián)、存更多的錢(qián)、以及管理您的錢(qián)財(cái)。
