Once the wedding vows are taken, new roles materialize. If only you both had a how-to manual. Here are some insider tips to help nurture future interactions.

    By Maureen Mackey

    The dreaded mother-in-law! Your relationship with her can certainly place stress on your marriage. No matter how hard you try to please her, there will surely be some things she doesn't like but never mentions-or so you hope.

    Share your mother-in-law stories. Does she say things you would rather she kept to herself? Or is she more liely to keep mum and leave you guessing?

    1. I've never seen my son happier than he is now, married and with children. Thank you.

    2. You don't have to call me "Mom." But it would be nice if you did.

    3. I'm so grateful that my daughter has another person to look after her. I am finally off the hook.

    4. If you hate that green sweater I bought you, please, please tell me. I really want to make you happy.

    5. Thank you for making my child so happy. If I haven't told you that very much, it's because I'm afraid you'll think I'm sucking up.

    6. I desperately want to ask you, When are you going to have children?

    7. I've never formed a warm bond with you, but when I see how happy my son is, I feel enormous affection for you.

    .

    8. Sometimes I watch you making choices that I so fear will lead you to difficulty. But I bite my tongue. I so wish I could talk to you about it.

    9. I'm aware that my time on this earth is growing shorter. I want to spend it positively. I don't want to waste it by fighting.

    10. I might not have the best ideas, but I do have decades of experience. I'd like to share my advice more.

    11. If you think I can't give good advice because I don't have the full picture, well … paint it for me.

    12. We're from different generations, and we'll probably always see things differently.

    13. I really want to give my grandkids a gift now and then, but you forbid me to do it. That's painful.

    14. The last time I was at your house, you hardly even spoke to me. I can't understand why.

    15. What I want most can't be wrapped in a box or bought online. I just want to be loved.

    16. I thought you'd be thrilled to have me as your mother-in-law, that you'd think, Wow, I'm so lucky! It kills me that you don't.

    17. I always send gifts for your birthday and all the holidays. It bugs me that you never thank me personally.

    18. Some mothers-in-law will say anything. I try not to. It's not wanted, appreciated, or believed.

    19. I feel a little resentful that suddenly my whole life is seen through the prism of "the mother-in-law." I've actually led a rich, interesting, complicated life. I wish you'd see me that way.

    20. When I call you on the phone at 8 in the morning on a Saturday, I hope you're not secretly saying, "Damn. Why is she calling here so early?"

    21. Sometimes I weep. I'll think, How could my child who I loved so much marry someone I don't understand at all?

    22. I want you to need me. I want to feel valued, respected, and loved.

    23. I don't always agree with your decisions. But I know you have to live your own life.

    24. I would visit my grandchildren more if I felt closer to you.

    25. You're bright, thoughtful, and loving. I'm lucky we have each other.

    Sources: Susan Abel Lieberman, PhD （The Mother-in-Law's Manual）, Jane Angelich （What's a Mother [in-Law] to Do?）, and anonymous mothers-in-law in four states.

    一旦結(jié)婚誓言宣讀完畢，新的角色就誕生了。要是彼此都心里有數(shù)，知道該如何處理這種新關(guān)系就好了。下面是一些圍城內(nèi)人的小提示，可以幫助你融洽今后的"雙邊關(guān)系".

    作者：莫林·麥基

    可怕的岳母（或婆婆）!你與她相處是否融洽無疑會對你的婚姻產(chǎn)生影響。不管你費(fèi)了多大精力來取悅她，依然有一些事情是她不喜歡的，但是她永遠(yuǎn)都不會提起------或者你也這么希望。

    分享你岳母（或婆婆）的故事。她會說一些你希望她永遠(yuǎn)不說的事嗎？或她總是什么也不說，讓你去揣摩？

    1.我兒子結(jié)婚，生兒育女很幸福，我從來沒見他像現(xiàn)在這么幸福過，謝謝你。

    2.你不一定非要叫我"媽媽",但如果你肯叫的就更好了。

    3.有另一個人來照顧我女兒，我很感激。我終于完成任務(wù)了。

    4.如果你不喜歡我給你買的那件綠色毛衣，請千萬千萬告訴我。我真的想要你幸福。

    5.謝謝你讓我的孩子如此幸福。我很少跟你說這些，是怕你嫌我肉麻。

    6.我真的非常非常想知道，你打算什么時(shí)候要孩子？

    7.咱倆的關(guān)系從來沒融洽過，但是看到我兒子那么幸福，我喜歡你喜歡得要命。

    8.有時(shí)，我注意到你做出一些選擇，我很擔(dān)心這些選擇會使你陷入麻煩。想提醒你，但又咽了回去。我真希望能與你討論那些事情。

    9.我知道我在世上的日子越來越短了。我想高效地度過這段日子，不想整天吵架，浪費(fèi)時(shí)間。

    10.我的主意也許不是最好的，但我有多年的生活經(jīng)驗(yàn)。我想跟多跟你分享一些我的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。

    11.如果你認(rèn)為我不了解全局，所以給的建議不夠好。那么……請你把全局描述給我。

    12.我們是不同的兩代人，我們看待事情的角度可能經(jīng)常不同。

    13.有時(shí)，我真的很想給我的外孫買禮物，但是你阻止了我。我覺得很傷心。

    14.最近我去你家，你幾乎沒理我。我不知道是為什么。

    15.我最想要的東西不是裝在禮品盒里或從網(wǎng)上購買的。我只是想得到你們的愛。

    16.我想有我這樣的岳母（或婆婆）,你一定會感到非常興奮，你能這么認(rèn)為我很幸福！如果你不這樣認(rèn)為的話，那簡直要?dú)⒘宋摇?/p>

    17.你生日那天以及所有的節(jié)日，我都會送禮物給你，但你從來沒當(dāng)面謝過我，我感到很生氣。

    18.有的岳母（或婆婆）總是什么都說。我盡量避免。這并不是需要，感激或信任。

    19.突然間，我只剩下岳母（婆婆）這一角色，你總是通過"岳母"這一棱鏡來看待我的生活，我有點(diǎn)不滿。事實(shí)上，我的生活富裕，有趣，復(fù)雜。我希望你從那個角度來看我。

    20.當(dāng)我在星期六早上八點(diǎn)給你打電話時(shí)，希望你不要私下里抱怨，"該死！她干嗎這么早就給我打電話？"

    21.有時(shí)，我會哀傷。我在想，我這么深愛的孩子怎么會跟一個我毫不理解的人結(jié)婚呢？

    22.我希望你需要我。我喜歡被重視，被尊重，被愛的感覺。

    23.我并不總是同意你的決定，但我知道你必須走自己的路。

    24.如果我與你的關(guān)系再親密些，我就多去看我外孫幾次。

    25.你聰明，有思想，有愛心，能擁有彼此我覺得很幸運(yùn)。