How to be happy

    如何獲得幸福：尋找幸福公式？ 

    In the past two weeks we have looked at the happiness formula defined by positive psychologist Martin Seligman, where H (happiness) = S (your biological set point for feeling happy) + C (the conditions of your life) + V (the voluntary choices you make). This week we look at the conditions in life that can improve our happiness quotient.

    Step 1: Peace and quiet

    Jonathon Haidt in his excellent book, 'The Happiness Hypothesis', notes that research shows that we can never completely adapt to new or chronic noise pollution. Loud noises trigger one of our most primitive fear responses (the other is the fear of falling) and we can never fully relax if we are surrounded by intrusive noise. Noisy neighbours are one of the most emotive causes of domestic upset for a very good reason. It is essential to have some peace and quiet every day. If you are unfortunate enough to live somewhere noisy, persist with complaining to your local council. Additionally, try wearing wax earplugs to give you some respite. If you need your TV, radio or music up loud, wearing headphones demonstrates altruism to your neighbours, which will make you and them feel good.

    Step 2: Relationships

    This is the most important of all the external conditions that can improve your happiness quotient. Often our deepest sources of unhappiness are found in poor relationships with others. A colleague at work who bullies or dismisses us creates untold wretchedness. A cruelly conflictual relationship with a partner or lover leaves us feeling betrayed and abandoned. A relationship with our parents or children which is not based on compassionate, unconditional regard creates isolation and misery. We never fully adapt to hostile relationships, they invidiously contaminate our wellbeing, squatting inside our minds as unresolved, destructive ruminations. When faced with such relationships, the most positive thing we can do is to either mend the relationship by confronting what is going wrong or learn to move on.

    Step 3: Share

    If you have discovered conditions or choices in life that have significantly improved your wellbeing, I would like to share them with readers. Passing on what works is essential to improve our own and the wellbeing of others.

    過去兩周我們研究了一項(xiàng)幸福公式，這是由樂觀心理學(xué)家馬丁塞利格曼定義的。H(幸福)=S(個(gè)人生理幸福感受的固定指數(shù))+C(個(gè)人生活狀態(tài))+V(個(gè)人主觀選擇)本周我們將著眼于能提升幸福指數(shù)的生活狀態(tài)。

    第一步：平和寧靜 

    喬納森海迪在他的優(yōu)秀著作《幸福假說》當(dāng)中提到，研究調(diào)查顯示，我們不可能完全適應(yīng)噪音污染，無論是新近的還是長(zhǎng)期的。巨大噪聲會(huì)引起我們某種面對(duì)恐懼本能反映(另一種是對(duì)于墜落的恐懼)，如果周遭噪音喧鬧，我們不可能完全放松。這樣看來，吵鬧的鄰居的確對(duì)我們家庭不和起到很大影響。每日保持平和寧靜事關(guān)重要。如果不幸你生活環(huán)境比較吵，請(qǐng)一定要堅(jiān)持去居委會(huì)投訴。另外，試試實(shí)用耳塞，可能會(huì)緩解噪聲。如果你一定要大聲看電視聽收銀放音樂的話，記得戴上耳機(jī)，別影響鄰里，這樣可以使雙方都感到舒適。

    第二步：人際關(guān)系 

    這是增加幸福指數(shù)的一條至關(guān)重要的內(nèi)部條件。我們感到不快樂的最深層原因，往往就是人際關(guān)系欠佳。如果一個(gè)在職同事對(duì)我們表示威嚇的話，會(huì)造成難以言語的抑郁情緒。與拍檔或者愛人的關(guān)系陷入殘酷競(jìng)爭(zhēng)之中，會(huì)讓我們感到背叛和背棄。與父母孩子之間的關(guān)系缺乏同情心和無私關(guān)心，那么這會(huì)造成隔閡生產(chǎn)痛苦。我們不可能適應(yīng)這種敵對(duì)關(guān)系，這種不良的人際關(guān)系會(huì)損害身心健康，長(zhǎng)久留存在我們心里，會(huì)讓人陷入無以解決的惡性心理困境。當(dāng)我們面臨這類問題時(shí)，最好的辦法，就是直面難題，挽救關(guān)系，或者學(xué)著繼續(xù)前進(jìn)。

    第三步：分享

    如果你發(fā)覺生活狀態(tài)或者做的某項(xiàng)決定對(duì)幸福生活有極大幫助的話，我很想將其和讀者們分享。將有用的發(fā)現(xiàn)與更多人分享，這對(duì)增進(jìn)自己的幸福和他人的幸福都有積極作用。