Every relationship experiences some conflict. Some experience more than others, some are playful, and some are hateful. Then there are those that are never ending patterns of conflict that seem impossible to break.

If you do want to stop the cycle of conflict, consider these 10 steps to bring harmony back to your relationship. Note that this doesn't only apply to parent and girlfriends, these can apply to work conflicts as well.

1.Cool Down Time. If you've found yourself in a heated argument, the best thing you can do is walk away for a little while. Blow off some steam with a walk or by talking things out with a clear headed friend. If you just need some rest, take a nap or a meditation nap.

Before going separate ways, take a deep breath and agree to discuss the issue later. The whole goal of separating should be to come back together with a better ability to work things out.

2.Mutual Respect. No matter how divided you are in your positions, always remember the humanity of the other person. Keep in mind their weaknesses and frailties. Think about the respect you want and then give it unconditionally to the other person. Be kind even if you are angry. If that makes you cry instead of screaming, you'll probably find that yourself getting closer to the true root of the issue. When you get to the root, you can start solving things.

3.Start with Yourself. Ask yourself what part of the argument is your responsibility. How did you contribute to this argument? What can you do to resolve it? Do you need to apologize? Do you know how? This video taught me the 3 steps to a proper apology:

I'm sorry.
It was my fault.
How can I make it right again?

4.What's It All About?From your perspective, what is the argument really about? What would the other person say the argument is about? What common goals do you both share that could be used as a vehicle to reach a resolution?

5.Needs vs. Wants. Figure out what it is that you want. Then ask yourself, "what do I really need?" Go for what you need and be flexible on your wants. A need is something you can't live without and a want is more of a preference. A resolution doesn't mean you get everything you want, but hopefully you get everything that you need. If you can't get what you need then you may need to re-evaluate the relationship.

6.Compassion and Empathy. How is the other person feeling? How would it feel to be in their shoes? Be honest. What are their fears behind the anger? Focus on the good qualities in the other person and consider what their goals are.

7.Wisdom and Strengths. What are the best qualities of this person? What wisdom do they possess? Everyone is smart about something. How can you tap into that wisdom to help you move forward out of conflict? What can you learn from your partner?

8.Better to Be Happy than to Be Right. Conflict can be hurtful and damaging to a relationship when allowed to run wild. Take a step back to view the big picture. What do you really want? What is your goal?At the end of your life, how will you view this argument? What will you wish you did? How can you emerge from this conflict and return to a light and peaceful state?

9.Mutual Caring. What good things do you want for your partner? How can you help that person get what they need while you get what you need, either actively or by taking a step back?

10.Good Times Together. Often we can get into a pattern of conflict with partners and friends when we are not finding time to share fun together. So once the immediate conflict is resolved or at least semi-resolved, take some action that will have long-term benefits. Schedule in fun time together on a regular basis. A good place to start is once a week. Designate this time to be "Fun Time Only" together. No discussion of trigger topics, just fun. Enjoy!

How do you resolve conflicts? What's the best way you know to maintain harmony in a relationship? We look forward to hearing from you!

每種人際關系都會遇到一些摩擦和矛盾。某些人遇到的比別人更多一些。有些是開玩笑式的，有些是令人討厭的。但是也有一些是永無休止似乎不能解開的矛盾類型。

如果你想要結束這種循環(huán)沖突，不妨考慮一下將你的人際關系帶回到融洽和諧的這10個步驟。注意，這不僅適用于你的雙親和女友，它們也可能適用于處理工作矛盾。

1、冷靜一段時間。如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己處于激烈的爭辯之中，你最該做的事情就是離開一會兒，通過散步或者找一個頭腦清醒的朋友談談心，讓頭腦冷靜下來。如果你正好需要稍事休息，就打個小盹兒或者瞑思一會兒。

在離開之前深深呼吸一下，并且表示同意稍后再討論這個話題。你的離開完全是為了回來后能夠更好地把問題解決。

2、互相尊重。不管你處于什么位置，都要始終記得別人的好處，將他們的弱點和短處壓在心底。想一想你所希望得到的尊重，然后將其無條件地施予他人。即使很生氣也要表示出親切。如果情況使你從嘶叫轉為哭泣，你可能會發(fā)現(xiàn)自己越來越接近問題的根源。在你找根源時，你才能夠開始解決問題。

3、先從自己身上找原因。問一下自己，爭論中的哪一部分是你的責任。你是如何促成這場爭論的？你能為解決這場爭論做些什么？你需要道歉嗎？你知道怎么道歉嗎？這個影像片教給了我正確道歉的 3 步：

對不起。
是我的錯。
我怎么能再次把它做對呢？

4、都是為什么呢？從你看來，這場爭論究竟是因為什么？別人會認為這場爭論是因為什么呢？你們雙方的哪些共同點可以用來作為達到解決問題的契機呢。

5、需要的和想要的。明確什么是你想要的東西。然后問自己，“什么是我真正需要的東西？” 追求你所需要的東西，而靈活取舍你想要的東西。需要的東西是指沒有它就難以生活的一些東西，而想要的東西大多是個人偏好的東西。問題的解決并不意味你得到了你想要的每樣東西，但是可以指望你得到了你需要的每樣東西。如果你不能得到你需要的東西，那就可能要重新評價一下這種人際關系了。

6、同情和換位思考�？紤]一下別人的感受怎樣？站在別人的位置上會是怎樣的感覺？要說老實話。他們掩藏在憤怒背后的恐懼究竟是什么呢？著眼別人好的地方，并且考慮什么是他們的目的？

7、智慧和力量。這個人的最好的品質(zhì)是什么？他們擁有什么樣的智慧？每個人都有他所擅長的方面。怎樣才可能吸取這些智慧幫助你們走向矛盾的解決？你可以從你的伙伴身上學到些什么？

8、快樂比做對更好。矛盾如果任其發(fā)展下去，會對人際關系造成損害和破壞。讓我們大體回顧一下吧：你真正想要的是什么？你的目的是什么？在生命的最后你會怎樣看待這場爭論？你希望你當時做些什么？你是怎樣擺脫這場爭論并且回歸到開朗、平和的狀態(tài)的？

9、相互關心。你希望給你的雙親一些什么好東西？你怎樣才能幫助那人得到他們需要的東西同時你也得到你所需要的東西，無論是積極地或者采取點回顧？

10、共度美好時光。當我們很少找到時間和朋友伙伴們共享歡樂時，我們可能經(jīng)常和他們陷入矛盾狀態(tài)。所以，在一場矛盾解決或者至少是半解決時采取點行動，將是長久受益的。要安排定期的共同歡樂時間。每周一次是不錯的開始。指定這個時間大家一起“只許娛樂”，不討論嚴肅的題目，只是歡樂、享受！

你是怎樣解決矛盾的？你所知道的保持人際關系融洽和睦的最好方法是什么？期待聽聽你的高招！