Tom Davis was my first real friend in China. I met him within the first week of moving here, at a welcome coffee in our compound clubhouse. I hesitated to attend the event, certain that I would be the only man there. But as soon as I walked in, the chipper Australian chairwoman of the welcome committee grabbed me by the arm and dragged me across the room, triumphantly introducing me to Tom. She had correctly guessed we would be happy to see one another.

    Tom had also quit his job to move to Beijing when his wife Cathy received a promotion. We were thrown together by circumstance -- the only two male trailing spouses anyone knew about -- and my initial impression was I didn't have much more in common with this dry, quiet former insurance underwriter from Montana. But we exchanged numbers and talked about studying Chinese together. A couple of weeks later, we enrolled at a downtown language school, and during our regular commute we realized that we shared many of the same passions: American history, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the mountains of the American West and fatherhood.

    We were both brimming with excitement about all the things we wanted to see and do in China but little did we know then what was soon to befall Tom and his family. No sooner did we meet and become close friends -- things happen fast in expat land -- than his wife took ill and things took a turn for the tragic. The experience served as a reminder that along with the benefits of being an expat come significant disadvantages, particularly when you are in a developing country and things go awry.

    Tom and Cathy had two daughters, Shealyn, then five, and Sudha, four. They adopted the latter from India knowing that a birth defect necessitated the amputation of both of her feet, and had already begun the process of adopting a disabled Chinese child. I thought this elevated them to sainthood, so I wasn't surprised that Tom was everything you could ask of a friend -- patient, empathetic and concerned -- when I learned that my father had bladder cancer. Yet weeks went by before Tom told me that he was increasingly worried about Cathy's health.

    A dedicated athlete, she started having bad back pain on her regular runs. It didn't go away after repeated rests, so she visited a doctor, who diagnosed joint inflammation. Test after test came back negative but Cathy kept feeling worse and worse.

    Tom and I had left the school and were taking twice-weekly lessons with Yechen at my house and we often chatted afterwards. The conversations turned more and more to the health of my father and Cathy. A concerned Tom was urging Cathy -- who was still traveling around China for her job with a Fortune 500 company -- to return for an American checkup. Her company's gatekeeper doctor back home refused to authorize such travel, patronizingly telling her that she was under a lot of stress and should take some time off. When that failed to get her back on her feet, her supervisor cooked up an excuse to send her home for a conference.

    The day after she left, Tom was driving me home on a frigid December afternoon when Cathy called from the hospital. The news wasn't good. Imaging showed that her lungs were filled with spots, she had a huge tumor on her spine, which had been the source of her original back pain, and there were indications that her cancer had spread throughout her organs. I had been expecting bad news, but this was stunning.

    Cathy had advanced small-cell lung cancer, and there was no cure. The illness does, however, respond to aggressive chemotherapy and an earlier diagnosis may well have extended if not saved her life. I was haunted by this. As part of receiving a long-term Chinese visa you have to undergo a thorough medical screening, including a chest X-ray. Cathy had had hers while on a 'look-see' visit to China. It seemed clear that nobody really read that X-ray; if they had, the disease likely would have been picked up and Tom and Cathy never would have moved here. Once arrived, they were at the mercy of her employer and available medical care. By the time it became obvious that she needed immediate and dramatic help -- help in America -- it was too late.

    One of the things I liked best about Tom and Cathy was their whole-hearted love of China and the expat life, another passion we shared. While others seemed to seek out things to complain about, from the speed of Internet connections to the cleanliness of public toilets, Tom and Cathy enjoyed every minute of their adventure. But having moved to China a couple of months before her illness took hold put Tom in an extra perilous situation, as he was now homeless and jobless while facing the possibility of becoming a far-too-young widower and single father of two. It felt extra cruel to me that the new life that Tom and Cathy had embraced so heartily was making a horrible situation even worse.

    Tom quickly made plans to return home with the girls and I kept him company the next day as he packed a few bags. A Christmas tree hung with ornaments Tom and Cathy had picked up over the course of their 18-year relationship sat in the corner. The next day, I stopped by again to hug my friend goodbye and give the girls meager gifts of Skittles and coloring books.

    I thought of Tom often and my Chinese classes became melancholy events. After a few months, he called to say he was coming to Beijing to empty out the house. They had officially signed papers saying they weren't coming back and the company wanted the house off the books. It seemed to me a cold-blooded request, but I was selfishly happy to see my friend again. Tom tried to be optimistic, but the situation was grim.

    A couple of days later I hugged Tom goodbye again and left with a heavy heart on a planned family vacation to Hong Kong and Shanghai, which I had pushed back a few days to see him. A week later, on our first morning back, I walked outside to take the kids to school only to find our friend
Theo running up our walk with a tear trickling down her cheek.

    'Cathy's dead,' she blurted, before breaking into sobs.

    I was stunned. Tom had barely made it back to his wife's bedside.

    When I called, Cathy's mother answered and I said I was calling from Beijing, we had heard the news, and Cathy was loved and missed here. Tom got on the phone and I told him how much I was thinking of him and would do anything I could for him. We both knew there was nothing I could do.

    I only met Cathy four or five times and we shared a single meal; Tom and I only hung out together for four months and we probably spent less total time together than most people see their officemates in two weeks. But we met at an intense moment in our lives and shared a real bond that I think will last forever. My first friend in Beijing may well end up being the best one I ever make here.

    In the past six months I have been in closer touch with Tom, who is back in Butte, Montana. He finally feels ready to deal with things China-related -- it had just been too painful before. We already have plans to meet in Pittsburgh for a Steelers game in the fall of 2009. It is one of the few things about repatriation that I am looking forward to.

    湯姆•戴維斯(Tom Davis)是我來華后結識的第一位真正的朋友。在我來到北京的第一周，我就在小區(qū)會館內(nèi)舉辦的一次歡迎茶會上認識了他。當時我還猶豫要不要參加，因為我以為除我之外參加歡迎會的都是清一色女性。不過在我剛步入會場時，那位開朗的“迎新委員會”澳大利亞女主持就拉著我的手把我拖進去，并一臉喜氣給我介紹了湯姆。如她所料，我倆都很高興能見到“同類”。

    湯姆跟我的情況一樣，他的妻子凱茜(Cathy)得到升遷并被派到中國，而他則辭去了工作搬到北京生活。據(jù)了解，我倆是這個圈子中僅有的兩名隨配偶到北京生活的男性。特殊的環(huán)境讓我們倆成了一類人，不過當時我的第一感覺是，這位樸素、斯文的蒙大拿前保險商與我沒有太多相似之處。在歡迎會上，我們互留下電話號碼，并商量一起去學中文。幾周后，我倆進入了一所市內(nèi)的學校。在不斷交流中，我倆認識到我們有許多的共同愛好，例如我們都喜歡讀美國歷史，都是“匹茲堡鋼人隊”(Pittsburgh Steelers)的球迷，都迷戀美國西部的崇山峻嶺，也都當上了爸爸。

    我們對在中國所見所做的事情都激動不已，但卻沒有料到不久之后災難將降臨湯姆和他的家庭。就在我倆相識并成了鐵哥們后不久（在國外，事情總是發(fā)生的很快），湯姆的妻子生了病，悲劇便由此發(fā)生了。經(jīng)驗告訴我們，在國外生活有利有弊，特別是當身處于發(fā)展中國家并且又遭了難的時候。
廣告湯姆和凱茜有兩個女兒，大女兒希琳(Shealyn)當時五歲，二女兒素哈(Sudha)四歲。二女兒是他們收養(yǎng)的一個印度小孩，她因為先天問題而不得不雙腿截肢。此外，戴維斯夫婦還在辦理手續(xù)收養(yǎng)一名中國殘疾兒童。我覺得這說明他們倆是有大慈悲心腸的人，所以當我獲悉父親得上膀胱癌時，湯姆給了我作為一位朋友所能給予的一切關懷就并不讓人感到意外了。但是幾周之后，湯姆就告訴我他越來越擔心凱茜的身體。

    凱茜是位喜歡運動的人。事情一開始是她在每天的跑步鍛煉時感到背疼。她再三停止運動，但疼痛并未因此消失。于是她去看了醫(yī)生，而診斷結果是關節(jié)炎。雖然各項檢查結果都呈陰性，但她卻感覺情況越來越糟糕。

    后來湯姆和我都不去那家學校了，而是每周在我家上兩次葉琛(音)教的中文課，而下課后我倆經(jīng)常會閑聊，而談話內(nèi)容越來越多的集中在我父親與凱茜的健康狀況上。焦急的湯姆不斷催促凱茜盡快回美國檢查身體，而此時凱茜仍奔波在中國各地為她效力的那家全球500強企業(yè)賣命。然而他們公司負責初診的醫(yī)生卻拒絕讓她回國，并以一副施恩于人的樣子告訴凱茜她不過是壓力太大，應該休息一段時間。在看到凱茜始終無法好起來后，她的上司編了一個回國開會的理由才將她送回美國。

    凱茜回國后，在前年12月一個寒冷的下午從醫(yī)院打來電話，當時湯姆正開車送我回家。她情況并不好。照片顯示她的肺部有很多陰影，脊骨上有一個很大的腫瘤，正是這個腫瘤讓她感到背部疼痛。而且有跡象顯示癌細胞已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)移。雖然在此之前我已料到是壞消息，但沒想到會如此令人震驚。

    凱茜得的是小細胞肺癌，而且已經(jīng)到晚期，可以說無藥可治。如果能早一點診斷出來，并積極地進行化療，或許還能大大延長甚至是挽救她的生命。此事讓我感到非常難過。按規(guī)定，申請中國的長期簽證必須要經(jīng)過仔細的健康檢查，其中包括胸透。之前凱茜對中國進行某次考察時就做過這類檢查。很明顯當時沒有人真正認真看過她的X光照片，如果有人仔細看過，就很可能會發(fā)現(xiàn)病情，湯姆和凱茜也就不會再搬到北京來。一旦來了中國，他們的性命就只能取決于老板的仁慈和可用的醫(yī)療資源了。當病情發(fā)展到她明顯需要立即得到救助，而且是在美國得到救助時，一切都已經(jīng)太晚了。

    湯姆和凱茜讓我最欣賞的地方在于他們是全身心的熱愛中國和在國外的生活，這也是我與他們的另一個共同之處。當其他在華外國人整天只知道抱怨網(wǎng)速太慢或公廁不衛(wèi)生等事情時，戴維斯夫婦卻珍惜這段生活的點點滴滴。但情況是他們家搬到北京好幾個月后凱茜的病情才顯露端倪，這讓湯姆陷入了非常被動的境地。他現(xiàn)在賦閑在家無事可做，弄不好就要年紀輕輕孤身一人，還要撫養(yǎng)兩個小孩�，F(xiàn)實是如此殘酷，這種湯姆和凱茜曾經(jīng)如此真心熱愛的生活卻讓他們的可怕處境更加雪上加霜。

    接到消息后湯姆立即決定攜女兒回國陪伴妻子，第二天我陪他收拾了行李。這時候，一棵圣誕樹還立在他家的房角里，上面掛滿了這18年來他倆收集的各種小飾品。次日我又來到他家與湯姆道別，還帶來了給他女兒的小禮物，有彩色書還有小玩具。

    自湯姆走后我經(jīng)常想起他，我的中文課成了讓人傷感的事情。幾個月后湯姆來電說他就要回北京收拾屋子。他們已經(jīng)簽了協(xié)議稱不會再回北京，因此公司希望把房子騰出來。我覺得這個要求真是夠冷血的，但我的自私也讓我為能再見到朋友感到高興。雖然湯姆強作歡笑，但其實情況非常嚴峻。

    幾天之后我再次與他道別，然后帶著沉重的心情到香港和上海度假。為了見他，我已經(jīng)將日期推遲了好幾天。一周之后，在我們回到北京的頭一天早上，當我走出家門準備送小孩去學校，我們的朋友西奧(Theo)滿含熱淚向我走來。

    “凱茜走了”，她說道，接著便哭了起來。

    這一噩耗如晴天霹靂，湯姆差一點沒能在最后時刻守在妻子身邊。

    于是我給湯姆電話，接電話的是凱茜的母親。我告訴她我是戴維斯夫婦在北京的朋友，我們已經(jīng)知道凱茜過世的消息，我們深愛著凱茜，大家都很懷念她。后來湯姆接了電話，于是我告訴他自己很惦記他，并愿意提供任何力所能及的幫助。但我們都知道，我?guī)筒簧鲜裁疵Α?br />
    在此之前我只見過凱茜四到五次，跟她吃過一次飯。湯姆與我相處也只有4個月，也許我們在一起的總時間還不到大多數(shù)人與同事相處半個月的時間。但我與他是在我們生活中的重要時期相識，并形成了真正的友誼，我想這種友誼會存在一輩子。我在北京認識的這第一個朋友可能也會是我在這遇到的最好的朋友。

    過去6個月來我與湯姆一直保持著聯(lián)系。他現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)回到蒙大拿州的布特市。現(xiàn)在他終于覺得自己能夠處理與中國有關的事情，這的確是一段不堪回首的痛苦經(jīng)歷。我們還約好在2009年秋季一起去看匹茲堡鋼人隊的比賽。這是我在回國后打算做的事情之一。我正盼著能有這一天。