Here are some general pointers on how to be a more friendly, social person. A quickie definition of 'friendly' would be being nice to, and interested in, other people. I'd define 'social' as spending a fair amount of time with other people and enjoying it.

    The advice below talks about specific actions and overall dispositions （e.g., be positive about people, be interested in others） at the same time. The two are connected, but you don't have a ton of control over your disposition towards other people. If you're not in an outgoing, chatty mood at the moment, or if you're more reserved in general, that's just the way you are. You can't flip a switch and feel warm and loving towards everyone instantly. However, you can still keep some of the specific actions in mind, and they may be all you actually need. For example, if you're at work and you find you're keeping to yourself that day, you can remind yourself that you should go join your coworkers and see what they're up to.

    Also, the ideas here don't suggest that you need to turn into a phony, or a needy suck up, or an over the top caricature of a 'friendly' person. They should be thought of more as background attitudes that subtlety influence how you approach interactions with other people. A serious macho guy and a more affable, breezy type could use the same basic concepts and still maintain their own personality styles. Be fairly low key about implementing the points below.

    Start conversations with new people

    If you've recently been introduced to someone, or you see some new people around, go up to them and start a conversation. Even saying hi, asking for their name, and going, "Cool, nice meeting you. I'll see you around later hopefully" can be good.

    Chat back to people who try to talk to you

    Have you ever tried making pleasant conversation with someone you've run into, and they blew you off by giving one word responses and obviously looking like they don't want to be spoken too? You probably walked away thinking they were pretty unfriendly, even if you intellectually knew they may have had a reason for being brusque. If someone is trying to chat with you, make an effort to give them something back in return.

    Take time to talk to people you already know

    If you see someone you know, then go over and see what's going on with them. No real reason, just because. Catch up with what they've been up to lately, or just talk about whatever. Keep in touch with your friends. Stop and chat to your coworkers when they're not too busy. Maintain your relationships and show you're interested in the other people. If you see someone you know, don't avoid them because you don't feel like talking, or pretend not to notice them because you're worried the conversation will be stilted. Go up to them and chit chat for a few minutes.

    Invite people to do things with you/the group

    Be fairly loose and generous with your invitations to people. Be the one to invite people out rather than waiting for them to come to you first. Don't feel you have to know someone for a long time either. If you seem to get along with them then why not ask them to do something? If you like your new coworker or classmate, ask them if they want to grab a drink later, or come by your place to chill. If you run into a friend downtown, and neither of you is doing anything, ask if they want to grab a bite to eat, or if one of you is busy, suggest you get together later some time. Ask the new guy in your apartment if he wants to play pool down the street in an hour or so. Don't feel you have to know someone for a predesignated amount of time before you can hang out with them.

    If everyone at work is going out on Friday evening then ask anyone who may not know if they want to come along as well. If you're meeting some friends later that night, ask your new acquaintance if he wants to join you. If you run into a buddy on the street for five seconds, tell him that you're going to be a Dan's place later if he wants to drop by. Of course, when you throw invitations out like this, they won't always be accepted, but that's cool.

    Make an effort to bring new people into the fold and make them feel included

    If you're out with your longtime friends and there's a new person there, take the time to talk to them a bit, rather than being more aloof and expecting them to make the effort of getting to know you. At the end of the night mention that everyone is seeing a certain concert in the next two weeks if they want to come. If there's a new person at work, fill them in on the general goings on, and let them know everyone in your department usually grabs lunch together at 12:30. Mention that you and three other people usually play football on Thursday evenings if they want to join in.

    Go to where the people are

    If you're at work and everyone is going out for lunch then go as well. If they all eat lunch at a certain time and place, then eat lunch then too. If you're at a party and everyone is talking on the front porch, go join them. If you're at a bar and everyone is hanging around on the couches downstairs, then you may as well be there too. Show you want to spend time with the people you came with. And once you're there, join in whatever they're doing. Don't hang back and get lost in your head.

    Spend more time with people

    Spend time with people more often. Spend time with them longer. Spend time with more of them. If when you normally see your friends, you leave after a few hours, try spending all day with them. If you only see your friends once or twice a week, try seeing them three times. If you usually keep to yourself at work, and only talk to people on break, try spending time with your coworkers a little more during the workday. If you only see some acquaintances of yours under specific circumstances （e.g., in particular class, at a club）, then try to see them outside of that situation. This is all assuming the people you know would be glad to spend more time with you, but if you prefer your own company like I often do, you probably underestimate the amount of time 'regular' people like to spend with each other. It can also be an interesting experience to resist your urge to go home, spend several more hours with people past your usual tolerance, and realize you actually kind of prefer it to being home alone with not enough to do.

    Make nice little gestures towards other people

    Buy someone a drink or a shot. Offer to pay for your friend's meal if you're grabbing some snacks at a pub. Hold the door for someone. Bring food or drinks to a party when it wasn't expected that you do so. Do these things occasionally as a friendly gesture to someone you already like. Don't do it as a way to buy people's affection or make them obligated to you to return a favor at a later time. If you do these things too much you can get taken for granted, taken advantage of, look like you're trying too hard to please everyone and make them like you, and put other people in an awkward situation because they feel uncomfortable taking so many free handouts.

    Offer compliments to people

    Don't be afraid to be positive and encouraging towards other people. If someone is good at something then tell them so. If someone looks nice, or is well dressed, then say you think so. If you think someone is funny, or a cool person, then let them know. Again, moderation is the key. The occasional genuine compliment is way better than a constant stream of try-hard ones.

    Be reasonably polite

    Whatever it means to the company you find yourself with, be fairly polite to everyone. If someone does something nice, or goes out of their way for you, then thank them. Ask nicely if you're asking someone for something. Don't be an unnecessarily abrasive, self-centered, and unappreciative. You don't have to be excessive, or be stuffy and proper, but be considerate.

    Make sure everyone is having a good time when you're out

    Without overdoing it and being a pest, put some energy into making sure everyone is having fun when you're out in a group. If someone seems left out of the conversation, try to maneuver it to a topic they can contribute to. Or if someone seems like they want to say something, but they can't get a word into a lively discussion, casually indicate to everyone that they want to talk. If you're doing an activity that someone doesn't seem comfortable with, try to coax them to join in （if it's harmless and you know they'll have fun once they start）, or take some time to explain the basics to them if they aren't familiar with how to do it. If someone seems bored, or annoyed, see if you can get them to have fun somehow.

    Be interested in what other people have to say

    This is one of those easier-said-than-done dispositions. Sometimes, for whatever reason, you're not in the mood and you genuinely don't care about what certain people have to say. Still, when you are interested in other people you'll naturally be more friendly towards them. One thing I consistently find is that everyone has at least something interesting about them, it may just not be readily apparent. Like you may see a guy and assume he's pretty generic, but it turns out he was a professional table tennis player for a few years, and that he's worked as a 3D artist on some major movies. You never really know about these things.

    Genuinely like other people

    Also easier said than done, but if you have this attitude the other points will tend to flow out of it.

    Overall, having a friendly disposition or attitude is great if you have it, but you can't consistently create one on demand. You can keep certain actions in mind though to still be a more friendly person. Just inviting people out more, remembering to chat to people when you see them around, or joining groups, even if nothing changes about you deep down, are still the behaviors of a sociable person. You'll come across that way more, your social life will probably get a boost, and eventually, through a slightly convoluted process, your mind may come to follow your actions.

    下面是如何成為友好和交際廣的人的幾點(diǎn)指針。對(duì)"友好"的簡(jiǎn)單定義是"和藹的，以他人為重"的。我把"好交際"定義為與朋友度過(guò)相當(dāng)一部分時(shí)間，并以此為樂(lè)趣。

    下面的意見(jiàn)談?wù)摼唧w行動(dòng)以及所帶有的總體性情（例如，待人積極，以他人為重）.它們兩者

    是有聯(lián)系的，你不能有效控制你對(duì)他人的性情。如果你那時(shí)沒(méi)有一個(gè)外向，善談的心情，或者以你的更保守的方式。你不可能翻轉(zhuǎn)開(kāi)關(guān)就立刻感到對(duì)每個(gè)人的溫暖和愛(ài)心。但是，您仍然可以銘記一些具體行動(dòng)，他們可能是你的實(shí)際需要的。例如，如果你在工作并且發(fā)現(xiàn)你那天離群獨(dú)居，你該提醒自己加入到同事中去看看他們都在忙些什么。

    此外，這里的想法并不表明你需要變成一個(gè)虛偽的，一個(gè)拍馬屁的人，或者一個(gè)諷刺漫畫上的所謂友好人士。他們應(yīng)該想到更多的作為背景態(tài)度微妙的方式影響你如何與其他人互動(dòng)。一個(gè)嚴(yán)肅的馬喬家伙和更和藹可親，活潑的類型可以使用相同的基本概念，并仍然保持其自己的個(gè)性風(fēng)格。關(guān)于執(zhí)行以下幾點(diǎn)，要相當(dāng)?shù)驼{(diào)。

    開(kāi)始與新的人交談

    如果你最近被介紹給某人，或者你看到周圍某個(gè)不熟悉的人，走向他們并開(kāi)始交談。即使是打招呼，問(wèn)他們的名字，并說(shuō)："很高興見(jiàn)到你，以后的日子里你會(huì)一切都好。

    嘗試與他人交談

    你曾經(jīng)試圖和你碰到的人聊天愉快，他們卻漫不經(jīng)心地答復(fù)，很顯然他們也不想被問(wèn)及的情況嗎？你可能認(rèn)為他們不友好就走開(kāi)了，即使你理智上知道他們可能另有原因。如果有人試圖與您交談時(shí)，你應(yīng)該盡量給他們一些答復(fù)。

    花時(shí)間與你 已經(jīng)認(rèn)識(shí)的人交談

    如果你看到認(rèn)識(shí)的人，走近他們?nèi)タ此麄冊(cè)谧鲂┦裁�。沒(méi)有真正的原因只是應(yīng)該那樣做�？此麄冏罱�都忙些什么，或只是隨便談?wù)�。與您的朋友保持聯(lián)系。當(dāng)你的同事不太忙時(shí)，停下手中的活與他們交談。保持你的那些社交關(guān)系并表現(xiàn)出你對(duì)他人感興趣。如果你看到認(rèn)識(shí)的人，不要因?yàn)椴幌胝f(shuō)話或因?yàn)楹ε抡勗挷蛔匀患傺b沒(méi)看到他們而避開(kāi)他們。走上前去簡(jiǎn)單地交談幾分鐘。

    邀請(qǐng)其他人與你/組一起做事情

    對(duì)你邀請(qǐng)的人要寬松和慷慨。做一個(gè)邀請(qǐng)他人而不是等待別人先走向你。也不要覺(jué)得你應(yīng)該了解某人很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間。你似乎與他們相處地不錯(cuò)，那么為什么不問(wèn)問(wèn)他們做了什么？如果您喜歡新的同事或同學(xué)， 問(wèn)他們是否在喝完飲料后，到你的住所去涼爽片刻。

    如果你在市中心遇到一個(gè)朋友，無(wú)論你在做什么，問(wèn)他們是否想吃些東西，或者你們其中一個(gè)暫時(shí)很忙，你們可以以后找時(shí)間聚一聚。 如果你的新伙伴愿意在街區(qū)玩一個(gè)小時(shí)左右的水球，邀請(qǐng)他們到你的公寓來(lái)。不要認(rèn)為你在與他們相處之前必須提前了解他們。

    如果每個(gè)人只是星期五晚上才出去，那么問(wèn)任何你能不認(rèn)識(shí)的人是否愿意也一同前往。如果你在那天晚些時(shí)候遇到了某個(gè)朋友，問(wèn)你的新伙伴是否愿意一同去。如果你在街上遇到一個(gè)好朋友，告訴他們你過(guò)后要去丹廣場(chǎng)看他們是否也愿去拜訪。當(dāng)然，當(dāng)你發(fā)出了這樣的邀請(qǐng)，他們不會(huì)總是同意，但也會(huì)很不錯(cuò)的。

    盡力把新朋友帶入你的世界，讓他們感到自己沒(méi)被遺忘。

    如果你和一個(gè)交情不錯(cuò)的朋友外出并且有一個(gè)新朋友在場(chǎng)，和他們多多交談而不是冷落他們期望他們?cè)囍�去了解你。那天晚上結(jié)束時(shí)如果他們?cè)敢鈱��?huì)在兩周后聽(tīng)一場(chǎng)音樂(lè)會(huì)。如果工作中有了新同事，讓他們熟悉正常的工作，并讓他們知道你們部門的人通常在12:30共進(jìn)午餐。也應(yīng)該告訴他們您和其他三人通常在星期四晚上踢足球，看他們是否想加入。

    到人多的地方去

    如果你在工作，而其他人要出去吃飯，那么你也應(yīng)一同前去。如果他們吃午飯都在一定的時(shí)間和地點(diǎn)，那么你也應(yīng)該在那里。如果你參加一個(gè)聚會(huì)，加入到門廊的談話中去。如果你在酒吧，而其他人都在樓下的沙發(fā)上，那么你最好也去那。對(duì)你的同伴要表現(xiàn)出你愿意與他們相處。一旦你在場(chǎng)，參與任何他們的活動(dòng)。不要猶豫和迷茫。

    花更多的時(shí)間與人交往

    經(jīng)�；〞r(shí)間與人交往，花長(zhǎng)時(shí)間與人交往�；〞r(shí)間與更多的人交往。如果當(dāng)您經(jīng)常看到你的朋友，你離開(kāi)后幾個(gè)小時(shí)，試圖整天與他們?cè)谝黄稹?如果你只看到你的朋友一次或每周兩次，你要試圖將看見(jiàn)他們3次。如果您通常保持自己在工作中，只有跟人交談才止，你要嘗試花時(shí)間與您的同事多一點(diǎn)在工作。如果你只在特定情況下看到一些熟人（例如，在懼樂(lè)部這樣特定的場(chǎng)合 ）,那么嘗試在外面看到他們的這種狀況。這是假設(shè)你認(rèn)識(shí)的人將很樂(lè)意花更多的時(shí)間與你在一起，但是如果你像我一樣喜歡和自己的同伴在一起，你可能低估了你們通常在一起的的時(shí)間。它也可以是一個(gè)有趣的經(jīng)歷抵制你回家的沖動(dòng)，花更多的時(shí)間與超出你通常忍耐力的人在一起，實(shí)現(xiàn)你通常在家參與不夠的事情。

    以好的姿態(tài)示人

    為某人買一杯飲料或威士忌。提供支付你的朋友的膳食如果你酒吧搶占了一些零食。隨時(shí)等待他的到來(lái)。當(dāng)你并不被期望那樣做時(shí)，帶著飲料和食物去參加晚會(huì)。偶爾做這些事情會(huì)作為一個(gè)友好的姿態(tài)給你已經(jīng)心儀的人。不要用這種方法以此來(lái)購(gòu)買人的感情，或使他們必須在未來(lái)某時(shí)給你以回報(bào)。如果你做這些事情太多你可以認(rèn)為是理所當(dāng)然的，想獲取一定的利益，好象你很難去迎合每個(gè)人使他們喜歡你。因?yàn)樗麄兏械讲皇娣�有如此多的免費(fèi)施舍，而把他人放入一個(gè)尷尬的境地。

    贊美他人

    不要害怕以積極的鼓舞的態(tài)度對(duì)待他人。如果有人擅長(zhǎng)某方面如實(shí)告訴他們?nèi)绻�有人看上去不錯(cuò)，或者是打扮地漂亮，你也應(yīng)當(dāng)贊同。如果你認(rèn)為有人搞笑，或酷的人，然后讓他們知道。再次，適度是關(guān)鍵。不時(shí)真正的恭維方式優(yōu)于一貫的嘗試僵硬的

    方法。

    適當(dāng)禮貌

    無(wú)論對(duì)你的同伴意味著什么，要相當(dāng)有禮貌的對(duì)每一個(gè)人。如果有人做了好事或是謙讓著你，你要向他們表示感謝。向人借東西時(shí)要友好。不要生硬粗暴，以自我為中心，不賞識(shí)他人。不要太過(guò)分，或固步自封，而應(yīng)體諒他人。

    當(dāng)你外出時(shí)確保每個(gè)人都具有良好的時(shí)間

    做事不要過(guò)度惹人討厭，當(dāng)你外出時(shí)要花精力確保每個(gè)人都玩得開(kāi)心。如果有人似乎排除在交談中，試圖操縱它的主題使他們可以參與�；蛉绻�有人好像他們想說(shuō)點(diǎn)什么，但他們不能在熱烈的討論中插一句話。如果有人不適應(yīng)你正參與的活動(dòng)，盡力勸他們加入。如果他們不熟悉怎樣做花一些時(shí)間來(lái)向他們解釋一些的基礎(chǔ)的東西。如果有人似乎無(wú)聊，或懊惱，看看你是否可以讓他們玩得開(kāi)心。

    聽(tīng)聽(tīng)其他人怎么說(shuō)

    這是說(shuō)比做做簡(jiǎn)單的行為。有時(shí)，無(wú)論出于何種原因，你沒(méi)有心情并且一點(diǎn)不在乎某些人說(shuō)的話。不過(guò)，當(dāng)你有興趣的其他人，你自然會(huì)更友好地對(duì)待他們。一件事我一直尋找的是，每個(gè)人都至少有一些有趣的事，可能只是不很明顯。像你可能會(huì)看到一個(gè)人，并認(rèn)為他非常一般，但事實(shí)證明他是一個(gè)多年專業(yè)的乒乓球選手，并且他做為三維藝術(shù)家參與過(guò)一些重大的電影。你永遠(yuǎn)不知道這些事情。

    真正喜歡其他人

    又談何容易，但如果你有這種態(tài)度的其他各點(diǎn)往往會(huì)跟隨而來(lái)。

    總體而言，如果你有一個(gè)友好的行為或態(tài)度是偉大的，但你不可能當(dāng)即創(chuàng)造一個(gè)。你可以保持一定的行動(dòng)，仍然是一個(gè)更加友好的人。只是邀請(qǐng)更多的人聊天時(shí)，記住你何時(shí)看到他們，或加入的團(tuán)體，即使沒(méi)有任何改變你的內(nèi)心深處，仍然是一種交際行為的人。你將遇到這樣更多的事，你的社會(huì)生活中可能會(huì)得到提升，并最終通過(guò)一個(gè)稍微錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜的過(guò)程，您的想法可能會(huì)與你的行動(dòng)一致。